"It seems very strange that the next closest state with West Nile Virus problems is Virginia," said Baton Rouge resident Ida Marten. "I think this serial killer sicko brought infected birds with him from wherever he came," Marten said, alluding to another popular theory that the serial killer came from somewhere outside of Louisiana.
A male LSU also talked of the out of state theory.
"We all talk about it around the fraternity house," the unnamed 20 year old told US Press, "and we all know that Americans prefer blondes and this serial killer only kills brunettes which makes it clear that he is from another country, which of course would explain how the [West Nile] Virus got into the state." The student, who received a C+ in the class "Philosophy 124: Rational Thought", continued by telling us, "We have created a protection group for the sororities on campus and now no sister can be alone at any time, whether she's walking to class, dyeing her hair blonde, showering, or applying her OFF! brand insect repellent body lotion, we're their to protect them."
M.J. "Mike" Foster, Jr., Governor of Louisiana has declared a state of emergency and is asking for Federal help.
"This is a clear case of biological warfare and I think the President should recognize that," said Governor Foster, who yesterday asked the President for more Federal Marshals to join the manhunt in the serial killings. "I've also asked for 10,000 Coast Guard personnel and National Guard troops to be equipped with .38 caliber revolvers to help control the mosquito population. We do grow 'em big around here you know."
