"We are obviously very pleased with the prospect of supplying coffins to the upcoming war in Iraq," said UCB president Douglas J. McCarron. "It took months of negotiation by myself and [UCB Vice-President] Doug Banes to have President Hussein agree to this pledge. It was tiring work trying to convince a dictator that we had the best quality craftsmen and materials available with which to bury our own men."

"This clearly makes the pending unpleasantries in the Persian region a win-win situation for the United States," said Secretary of Labor Elaine L. Chao. "If we defeat Hussein we can eliminate a powerful arm of the 'Axis of Evil' and if we lose our domestic economy will certainly benefit." Many economic analysts agree noting that by factoring in the dead and the need for coffin makers the unemployment rate will drop significantly.

Chao said she was very surprised that such an innovative labor project was spearheaded by a blood thirsty dictator. "Now if we could just get our President thinking in such a progressive way, like by promising the UCB a part in building the enemy's coffin's, there would be no reason to wait until October 9th at 2 PM EST time to attack like the memo from Rumsfeld proposed." Chao continued, "Uh, I've said too much."