France lifted it's importation ban on British beef this week some 10 months after the European Court declared the ban illegal. The move signals the upcoming deaths of many, many British cows.

"Of course, we are very upset with this decision and would fight it in the courts if we weren't cows," said Bossy Roberson spokeswoman for the British Isle Bovine Union (BIBU). "Our members, and the members of all British livestock unions, have had a bad decade to put it mildly."

Roberson is referring to the devastating outbreaks of mad cow disease and hoof and mouth disease that swept through

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the countryside in the 1990's. "Our luck is just terrible lately," said Moo-Moo Miller, a BIBU member for all of her 2 1/2 years. "Every day we cows wake up wondering what's coming next, what horrible fate awaits us. Today we find the the French have surrendered their stance against Britain, shocking."

"It has been a long hard road for European cows, they are really starting to question their role in this world and I don't blame them" says Gary Larson, author of "The Far Side" comic strip and long time bovine advocate. "The French ban was a great thing for English bovine culture," continues the ex-cartoonist who quit publishing in 1995 to dedicate himself to assimilating cows into human culture full time. "Here in Britain we were making great strides toward bovine acceptance. We had started work on many initiatives to begin assimilation, including beehive hairdo's for some of the ladies and chairs, TV's and window curtains in the barn. I estimate that this move by the French is setting us back 10 years at least."

Some in the beef industry say the British cows don't have much to worry about due to their stressful up bringing. Many

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of France's top chefs won't use stressed beef, because they say it makes for a stringy texture. Not so say both world class British chefs. They argue that British beef can be tenderized in a variety of methods the most effective being boiled with tasteless vegetables for hours and hours.

But some French chefs are looking forward to a new veal population from which to choose. "The French veal, they are very inconsiderate,"said Jean Laurent, Head Chef at the Paris' Hotel Le Bristol. "They have become very confident that they will be spared until adulthood due to our beef shortage, so they misbehave, roaming the country-side every night, smoking and drinking wine, becoming very tough. These youth have been watching too many American hamburger commercials. They think, 'if I only have to live up to USDA standards, then I can do as I please'. Look at Italy, their veal are happy to follow tradition and become medallions, but our veal won't become cutlets, they aspire to work for McDonalds. It's a disgrace."