"It is very likely that this individual is someone you were laughing at Tuesday night either at his fast food work place or perhaps a local bar where the guy was just trying to have a quiet drink and maybe meet a nice lady, " said Atkins to the stunned crowd of reporters. "It would be very helpful to the FBI if any of you cool people out there could possibly recollect making fun of someone, most likely about his weight, his hair, or possibly the oxblood pleather jacket over the homemade Dungeons and Dragons T-shirt. I don't know how anyone as cool as you could possibly even remember an incident like that since you were probably too busy laughing it up with your buddies and jumping into you rich daddy's car, but if you can, the FBI would like to know about it."
Atkins was allowed to go on a few more minutes in which he denounced yuppies buying things at the mall, people mowing their lawn "like they are holier than thou", and 13 year olds on their way to school to "learn about computers and someday steal the next job I get as a game tester." Saner FBI agents eventually stepped in, gagged and straight jacketed Atkins then removed him from the scene. One agent was overheard saying, "You owe me fifty bucks, I told you this geek was crazy three months ago, didn't I?"After the incident FBI director Robert Mueller said, "Atkins has always taken on small traits of whomever he was profiling, that's why he's the best. But something's different this time, he really seems to be able to relate to this killer. He knows this suspect inside and out, maybe too well. It's kind of sad."
"I've never seen a press conference like it," said an unnamed press correspondent who was on the scene. "The only other times I've seen press conferences end in a straight jacket application have been pro sports events. Dennis Rodman you expect in a straight jacket, but not an FBI agent."
