Unequivocally, the answer is: I have no clue.
What I CAN tell you is that I, for one, have been following the sniper situation in Maryland since it started. Every single night, I watch CNN just waiting to hear about yet another single bullet killing in Maryland. I am hooked. I can't not watch. Now, please understand: I am NOT a media junkie. I generally despise sensationalistic 'journalism', and although there have been several instances of this such as CNN interviewing a US Army sniper about why someone would be doing this (his answer: they played lots of video games... apparently, and I didn't know this, but one can actually snipe in DOOM using a shotgun or chainsaw. Yes, he said that.), but ultimately, most of the coverage piped into my home by the glowing box of answers is not only welcomed but relished. I believe that most of the people in this country are carrying on the same way I am, and not for the usual reasons. Sure, it's human nature and the American way to lock down traffic on major interstates at 5:30 PM by slowing from 70mph to 2mph to take a gander at the little bumper bender that has been moved into the emergency lane and is in no way impeding your forward progression. We all, whether we admit it or not, enjoy reveling in other people's misery. But this... this is different. There is a nut case out there who has killed 10 people and injured 3 others over the past 2 and a half weeks.. and we have no clue who he is or why he is doing it. We aren't paying attention for the gore this time around. We are utterly baffled. The media coverage, in this instance, is merely present to try to satisfy people's yearning for some sort of an answer to these questions. We, as a country, are petrified. This guy has no political agenda, no method of operations, no profile, and he (or she) is killing people while doing ordinary everyday tasks. Pumping gas, carrying boxes out from Home Depot, playing in the schoolyard... no one doing anything outdoors is safe.And we know it.
The worst part is that the people in charge of protecting us and keeping us safe have no idea, either. These guys have billion dollar budgets dedicated to purchasing and using the latest in technology and forensics to track down people like Snipey, and for 2 and a half weeks, this guy has kept 3 branches of highly trained and dedicated law enforcement professionals scratching their heads. The only thing that these guys know about Snipey is that he can fire a gun and likes to do it a lot. He also obviously knows nothing about the tarot deck, since the Death card doesn't actually symbolize the loss of life, instead it actually means that big changes are on the way. And I believe that I have the key to make that prediction come true. I think I know how to catch this nut.
It's a relatively primitive method, one that I learned in Boy Scouts many many years ago. It will require several highly trained hunters placed strategically around Maryland, each one armed with a gigantic net and a tapper. The hunters would be deployed at nightfall, and once the sun had completely set, they would go into a stealth mode of sorts by kneeling down and placing the tapping rod in front of them. The would then scour the area very slowly, searching for our Sniper, all the while tapping the rod on the ground in front of them luring the Sniper by chanting "Snipe! Snipe! Snipe!"
Drastic times call for drastic measures, people. Time is wasting. We can't spare a single moment, and obviously the traditional methods aren't working. It's time to organize the largest Snipe Hunt in American history.
