For the first time in his 23-year career as a Lutheran Pastor, Bob Smithton was rendered silent after being asked a theological question Wednesday night at the home of a parishioner. More interesting is that the question was from a 5-year-old and pertained to "Doggie Heaven". The child's family has asked that he remain unnamed for safety reasons as he is sure to be the target of some sort of witch hunt and eventual sacrifice.

"I kind of pushed him into it," says the child's father, who we'll call James. Last week, the family was in the unenviable position of having to put their family dog, Rover, to sleep. James says he told the child that Rover had a place in Doggie Heaven.

"I thought this was the accepted teaching of most Christian churches," says James defensively.

What ensued was a long discussion concerning the physicality of Doggie Heaven.

"I was telling him that the dogs get all they want to eat and not the dry stuff either, but the good canned dog food," says James. "I guess that got him thinking about the mess Rover always made after we gave him canned food."

The child's next question stumped his father, "Who scoops the poop in Doggie Heaven?"

"I told him I didn't know and changed the subject to our healthy cat," says James. "When Pastor Smithton coincidentally came over for dinner, I thought it would be cute to have the kid ask him about Doggie Heaven."

"It's nice of the father of the boy to try to take responsibility for this, but really the blame lies squarely on Smithon's shoulders here," says Mark Pearson, Dean of the Princeton Theological Seminary. "I expect this to travel around the internet like wildfire. This will be a global story by week's end."

The reason Pearson thinks it will be world-wide news is because he and other theological experts contend that not only was this the first time Smithton didn't have an answer but the first time in nearly 2,000 years that any Christian official did not have a canned answer complete with a chapter and verse ready for delivery.

"You have to go all the way back," Pearson says, "to Saint Mark the Evangelist who was inprisoned and executed in Alexandria around 68 A.D. after stating, 'I'll have to look that up and get back to you.'"

Some have even speculated that all Christian proceeds will drop by 15% next year. The effects of this are likely to be seen at all levels of Christianity, from untuned $500,000 pipe organs to churches without air conditioners no longer being able to afford weekly programs for use as makeshift fans.

"This is a huge event. It has cut across denominations and struck all Christians with fear that their next question will go unanswered," says Pearson. "Smithton will likely have to retire in shame. This was an enormous mistake and, quite frankly, a stupid one.

"We're talking about a five-year-old child with a question about doggie Heaven. Children are pound for pound the easiest to fool, especially with help of the parents."

Pearson notes that there are many ways to answer the Doggie Heaven question, all of which are taught or alluded to in the first years of training. They include:

• "In Doggie Heaven there is a huge green field where the grass never dies."
• "Bad people pick up the poop in Doggie Heaven...without tools."
• "Dogs that bite people on Earth have to eat the crap in Doggie Heaven as punishment."

Pearson continued, "Whatever tact he took, he should have been followed up by helping the kid figure out what 10 percent of his allowance is. Any angle at all would have been better than contemplative silence. This was a slow roller towards first base and he let it go through his legs. Suddenly, he's the Bill Buckner of Theology."