I was talking to an unnamed USC graduate student who says,
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| Bring 'em Young |
Coincidence? Doubtful.
Said student went on to say that even an entirely East Coast trip has it's trappings. "If you enter Hilton Head Island, SC as your starting point, and Marietta, OH as your destination, Mapquest will tell you that it's 406.13 miles and just under 7 hours. This is absurd. Every other program we tested, showed it to be about 610 miles and 9.5 hours."
Some ridiculously hip looking undergrads at the table next to us were talking about the local night life, which I was trying to hear while my interview was talking, but I think this sums up what he said... Mapquest actually starts you in an unnamed town in northern SC at an on ramp by a campground, discovered to be the site of the annual Mormon convention called "Poligofest", the annual gathering in which the western Mormon men travel east to try to acquire more wives by convincing the gullible yet sexy southern belles of South Carolina that the elf from the Lucky Charm's commercial really does exist, and he's actually the reincarnated Christ, living in the great state of Utah, and owns and operates a night club/bible study in the holy province of Salt Lake City, named "The Long Salty Green Tongue of our Lord" (membership fees may apply).
In a similar study at Brigham Young University, students concluded that all other universities and map programs were run by the devil, which the US Press fact checking department has confirmed to be true.
US Press will unmercifully pursue this matter until we can bring you, the people, an answer, or us, the writers, more wives.
