Disney's second consecutive cruise has been ordered to return to port, as people fall ill seeminlgy faster than the Bush Administration's popularity rating. Matt Quimet, Disney Cruise Line president stated, "Yeah, there seems to be some sort of funk growing in the boats. We're not quite sure if it's food born, or something from the scattered feces of Mickey and his relatives. Whatever it is, we'll have it out in no time."

"The highest priority at the Disney Cruise Line is to make sure our

Even the thought of a fake, plastic lolipop is enough to push Mickey's stomach over the edge

ships are just clean enough to not have to refund your money,... I mean, the health and welfare of our guests and crew," he said.

Experts say the cleaning procedures must be done at bay, and are not possible while afloat.

"Although, we've been pushing for it," Quimet added. "It has something to do with the possible danger from exposure to high levels of radiation. Apparently, there are some laws about doing that with people on board. We'll have to recheck the laws on the mainland, because I'm pretty sure we do that 2 or 3 times a day at the theme parks. Traditional cleaning procedures take so long, and require paying so many people. We've really been favoring the radiation process, and it seems to work just fine."

Currently in the Western Caribbean, carrying more than 3000 passengers, the ship is reporting that 123 passengers and 17 characters were experiencing severe vomiting and diarrhea, up 47 from the day before. "That equates to more than 10,000 pounds of vomit and diarrhea in our holding tanks. We're not sure how much longer we can float with that kind of load. Our biggest fear is that it's increasing exponentially; faster than we can discharge it in to the ocean. We've been compensating for it by dumping our extra gas and oil, as well as throwing all of our patio furniture, and people we don't think are going to "make it" overboard. Bottom line is, the ship is going to sink if we don't do something, and we just can't risk losing a ship with characters on board... those costumes are expensive," said Quimet. The remaining passengers, who are not yet sick, are only complaining of the stench, and a noticeably lighter feeling wallet.

"Do you know how traumatizing it is to a 6-year-old to have Mickey Mouse puke on you?" said Ben Hasterfeld, a low income city service worker from Erie, PA, who had been saving for over 4 years to grant his children's dream of a Disney Cruise. "All she wanted was to give Mickey a hug, and snap a picture... but instead she got rat vomit in her hair, and rat pooh on the sleeves of her blouse, along with a nasty stomach virus."

Disney spokesman Mark Jaronski said, "The company has issued a warning, strictly prohibiting the characters to vomit or defecate on guests. And they're cleaning the diarrhea out of their suits nightly. But they're still allowed to hug the children," he said. "I think we'd all agree, that the once in a lifetime opportunity to hug your favorite Disney character is worth dealing with a little stomach flu. And hey, your letting your kid hug a mouse, I'm sure you know the risks."

The ship is due back in port Sunday. Disney officials have offered free passes with no waiting for the It's a Small World ride to any guests who became ill aboard the vessel. Quimet said that so far, only three couples have accepted the offer. "Most others are holding out for Buzz Lightyear and Space Mountain passes."