Clonaid, the company that claims to have successfully cloned a human, held a press conference today to respond to the statement made earlier this week by an independent scientist that the company's claims could be "an elaborate hoax". Clonaid was founded by a religious sect known as the Raelians who believe life on earth was created by aliens. They also believe that humans were originally clones of the aliens but apparently with a special "gullibility gene" added.

"We would like to respond," started Dr. Brigitte Boisselier, CEO of Clonaid and a Raelian Bishop, "to the blasphemous and rude comments by the investigating scientist, by saying, once again, that we really did clone humans. I don't know how many times I'll have to say it, but I'll stand up here and say it until

"Yes, there are five flavors. I know there are only four bottles here, but you will have to just take my word a fifth flavor exists."

I am very tired and parched at which time I will have to rely on Clonaid's new genetically modified sports performance drink, Clonaid GM."

Boisselier then produced four one-gallon jugs of the new, brightly colored sports drink.

"Since we cannot offer you any proof of our cloning success, we would like to offer you a genetically modified sports drink that will keep you going in your quest for alien life or sports activities! We know how taxing it can be watching your SETI screen saver and this new drink replenishes the dioxalaters and magnetopian forces you lose by sitting in front of a computer monitor. It also works to replace the triopular nanochromes which drop so quickly in times of athletic endeavor."

The new drink, which tastes suspiciously like Gatorade™ brand thirst quencher, will be available in stores "any day now."

Asked for details on how this drink was genetically modified, Boisselier declined to give specifics only to say that the process would remain company secret for as long as she could keep her fat mouth shut, which most experts think could be as long as 48 hours, possible 72 if it is wired shut.

In an advertising coup, the company has lured Michael Jordan™ away from Gatorade™ and plan to capitalize on the cloning hoax by launching an ad campaign with the slogan, "Be Exactly Like Mike!"