A group of California consumers has brought a class action suit against Levi Strauss & Co. in which they claim that the brand showed 'gross negligence' in the marketing of its newest khaki innovation. Docker's new Stain Defender Khakis are being advertised as a revolution in stain resistance. One commercial goes as far as to show some idiot pouring juice on himself to illustrate that the pants will not accept the liquid.

"They released these pants on an unsuspecting public," says Daryl Dicken of Dicken, Yu, Over & Good, the law firm representing the consumer group. "These pants are causing thousands and thousands of dollars of damage and the manufacturer must own up."

The suit revolves around the assertion that the company should have known that if the pants won't absorb liquid that

Some Biblical experts think that Levi Strauss has re-discovered an ancient type of fabric first used by Moses to part the Red Sea.

they would be impossible to clean. The group also claims that the company must have covered up the fact that the khakis cause damage to washing machines and washboards alike.

"I put my husband's new pants in the washer and went upstairs," says Helen Nicasio of Fremont, Calif. "I started preparing dinner and heard a huge explosion in the basement. What I saw when I went down there was horrific, it was like a war zone."

"It true, it was loud noise," confirms Suzy Wei of Wei's Chinese take out. Wei was on the phone with Nicasio as she "prepared dinner."

The three pair of pants had repelled the water in the washer so effectively that it blew apart at the seams. Pieces of clothing were found as far away as the den. Nicasio tells of what happened next, "I thought we were the victim of some sort of pants related terrorism. I could only assume that all the pants in the house were rigged with explosives. I immediately shed my pants and ran into the street looking for help. It was humiliating, and I blame Levi Strauss. They should at least help me move out of the neighborhood now that everyone thinks I'm crazy."

"It's obvious that there was no thought to the public's safety when they developed and marketed these pants," says Dicken. "What's going to happen this spring when high school graduation parties commence? Drunken kids are going to jump in the pool with these things on and the water is going to leap out of the other side of the pool. There will be miniature tsunamis all over suburbia this summer. People could be killed and Levi Strauss will just be counting their money, laughing at the dead teenagers. This company needs to be taught a lesson that we will not stand for it laughing at dead teenagers any longer." Added Dicken, "Or puppies."

Expected to join the suit in coming weeks are the Maytag Man and his son who are both reported to be on the verge of exhaustion from repairing the three Maytag brand washing machines that have been affected.

In related news, the Federal Emergency Management Administration (FEMA) has announced a $300 million deal with Levi Strauss to provide a new generation of flood controlling sand bags made of the liquid neutralizing cloth.

"The new contract with FEMA should cover any settlement in the lawsuit," says Philip Marineau, Levi Strauss CEO. "Hey! Lawsuit. Law...Suit. I think I just found a way for marketing to capitalize on this whole fiasco! A pants and jacket combo called the 'Stain Defender Law Suit'...they'll love it. Dry clean only, of course."