McDonald's announced today that beginning next week, it will be introducing a new line of toys in its ever so popular "Happy Meals" to show its support for the "War On Terrorism".

"To spawn patriotism and show our support in the war with Iraq, every Happy Meal purchased at McDonald's will include a free War On Terrorism Bobble Head Doll," Ronald McDonald stated, with a chalky white expression on his

This prototype of the Colin Powell bobble head doll with civilian clothes and a white hand created for the first Gulf War tested horribly with the public and the entire campaign was shelved.

face. The dolls will be rolled out in five stages, starting with the Colin Powell bobble head. Powell will be holding a "picket" style sign in his left hand that says, "Can we afford to leave Saddam Hussein in power any longer?" His head will only rock side to side, in a "no" fashion. He will be holding a tasty McDonald's vanilla shake in his other hand.

During week two, the Osama Bin Laden bobble head will be distributed. He will be dressed in a solid white robe and turban with x's for eyes, and his tongue hanging out of his mouth. He will also sport high eyebrows that dive down in the center in the same fashion that every Disney-style villain does.

"We thought we ought to roll Osama out early, to remind people of what started this whole mess," stated Grimace, VP of Marketing for McDonald's, "and what happens to you when you mess with America and great American franchises like McDonald's. There will be a McDonald's logo on the back of his turban. "This is more for spite, than realism," said Grimace with, well, a grimace on his purple fuzzy face.

Week three brings out our current opponent, Saddam Hussein. Saddam will be dressed in Iraqi military attire and be smoking a big cigar. From beneath his jacket, he will appear to be hiding a missile with a biohazard symbol on its tip, protruding from beneath his collar. A button can be pushed to pop the top of the armament, shooting out a string with germy looking things attached to it (ironically, the germy things look just like the lettuce on a Big Mac, once it gets all mixed up with the special sauce). His head will move back and forth in a cocky motion, kind of like the strut of a pigeon. Because of it's dynamic versatility, this bobble head is expected to draw long lines and sell billions of Happy Meals.

"We expect people to stack up in longer lines than during the gas crisis in the 70's," Hamburglar grumbled, in an almost undistinguishable garble. "We really want to push that correlation; Saddam and expensive gas in the 70's... it's the same, but different and 30 years later. We've even contracted with additional farmers and cattle ranchers in expectation of the added demand for beef and potatoes."

The fourth week of the campaign brings, in an unprecedented "mini bobble head extravaganza", a miniaturized version of the entire assembly of The United Nations as the prize. President Bush and Tony Blair will be standing at the head of the table, arms raised high, together grasping a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese. The rest of the delegation will be shown applauding, nodding in a "yes" fashion. The table will be set with Super Size Value Meals at every seat.

"All a kid needs to do is blow in the direction of the bobble head assembly, and the entire United Nations will nod in agreement with the Americans and the British. What a great feeling of power this brings to a young American," quoted that strange yellow bird thing in the pilot's hat. The French will be shown leading the standing ovation, with a clenched fist full of Freedom Fries.

The final week in the campaign will simply include a red and yellow stealth bomber, badged with the McDonald's insignia. It will have two clasps on the bottom that will perfectly hold one French fry. A button on top of the bomber will release the fry as if it were a bomb. Matchbox will manufacture the toy for McDonald's. "We figure that a French fry wonderfully symbolizes a bomb, it's just loaded with things that will kill you," said a top-level executive who wished to remain unnamed.