In a recent stop at an Iraqi emissions station, over 90% of coalition vehicles failed, and were labeled as "polluters."

U.S. soldiers say this sign is appropriate because the potholes in Iraq are similar to those in the Keystone State.

The offending vehicles were ordered off the road, in accordance with the Clean Air War Act, passed by the UN in 1997. Cleaner burning Japanese "Hybrid" versions of the war vehicles are rumored to be on the way.

The more modern foreign vehicles get over ten times the gas mileage of the American produced war vehicles. Supposedly, they are also more dependable, better looking, and better equipped. For example, the tanks come with an aerodynamic spoiler, radar jamming neon running lights (in a variety of camouflaging colors), a six-speaker/six disc Sony CD changer, a power moon roof, and fancy taillights. Third party add-ons include a nitrous system, a cool and loud chrome muffler/tailpipe combination, a sub woofer, as well as a digital clock.

Although slightly more expensive initially, the vehicles are said to require only a fraction of the maintenance of the American vehicles and are expected to run for many more years.

President Bush is reportedly furious about the situation. "If our tanks and other military vehicles are going to get 10 times the gas mileage they used to, then what's the point of this war anyway?" Bush wondered aloud at a press conference today. "We'll just pull right out of this God forsaken desert and let the damn Iraqi people liberate themselves. Besides, I think the Japanese are up to something. Maybe we need to disarm them again. I'm sure they've been selling this technology to those nuke bearing North Vietnamese, err, Koreans."

American soldiers on the other hand, are so giddy over the thought of driving the new vehicles, they've started wearing their hats backwards, growing funny facial hair, and memorizing lyrics to modern rap music.

Geraldo Rivera was following the situation closely until his pending expulsion from Iraq, and will deliver a report during Fox News' new reality war show, "Who in Iraq Wants to Marry an American Soldier, "which debuts next week.