Hans Blix, who was laid off as UN weapons inspector three months ago, has taken a lower paying position as a Middle East Peace traffic control officer. Blix reports that in a routine stop outside a Palestinian compound, the recently released "roadmap" to Middle East peace was found balled up in the glove compartment of Yasser Arafat's Mini Cooper.

"Arafat said the map was woefully inadequate as well as impossible to fold," reports Blix. Blix referred Arafat to a nearby AAA to pick up a new one but apparently Arafat's AAA membership had lapsed. "It then became clear to me that he had no intention of participating in this highway-themed peace party," says Blix, shaking his head.

In a follow-up investigation Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's map was inspected and it was found that the map he was issued had not yet been opened. On the outside was a Post-It note with an aide's handwriting. The note was titled "Road Map Shortcut" and read:

1. Take Jericho Road until it splits, go RIGHT onto E-TUR Road
2. At the THIRD light go LEFT
3. Bear RIGHT at the 7-11
4. Stop. Fire Missiles.
5. Reverse directions to get home, starting with "Fire Missiles"

President Bush in a statement today blamed Colin Powell for the road map analogy and indicated the next action may be much more severe, such as a PowerPoint presentation with an animated flow chart.