Green Bay, WI - Wisconsin is a state that knows a lot about cheese. Coincidentally, Wisconsin has a lot of fat women. So it should be no shock that the first new cheese on grocers' shelves in nearly a decade will be from a Munster making Misses from the Midwest.

Big Bettie's Cheese & Milk Company, of Appleton, Wisconsin, has been supplying the FDA with free samples for testing and/or snacking for the past year. The FDA has overwhelmingly approved of the new cheese stating in an official memo, "It's just wonderful. It's got the spreadability of cream cheese, with the curds of feta, combined with the sharp bite of cheddar, and the gooiness of melted mozzarella... which we find, compliments the salty taste that's inherent in origin of the cheese. We especially liked it on Wheat Thins, although it makes a great spinach dip for tortilla chips as well."

Apparently, Bettie and a few friends found the were producing the cheese's main ingredient while sitting in leather chairs around the fire, watching 6 to 8 hours of television.

"We just got hooked on that Oprah, and then that war stuff,

Bettie and Gertrude know their cheese

and now did you know you can watch Murder She Wrote four times each day? It's on the UPN," she stated, in a classic Midwestern accent, emphasizing the "P" in UPN. "Anyway, we would get all hot and sticky from sitting there all day. Gertrude discovered it by accident really. She tends to put off laundry for a while. One day she caught her dog sniffing and licking and old pair of her knickers that had been shuffled into a dark corner for quite some time. He liked it so much, we decided to try and mass produce it. Uncle Eugene was the first to try it, although we still haven't told him what it's made from. We just said we made it."

The cheese-like substance forms in the fat cracks in their thighs, armpits, breast folds and buttocks. It is then collected and placed in a five gallon bucket, kept in the powder room. They use a kind of a squeegee technique to get it off of them. Much like if you tried to wipe yourself dry without a towel after bathing. (Bathing, ironically, is one thing the women do not recommend for wannabe cheese producers.) It is then stored down in the basement by Uncle Eugene's fishing bobbers collection. In just three to four months it's ready for market.

Demand for the cheese has been high. Especially in prisons. The girls can produce only four or five cheese blocks per day (a few more in the summer months), so prices are expected to match those of fine imported cheeses. Look for it at your local grocer this summer under the brand name, "Rotunda's Fromunda" with the pink and white polka-dotted bloomers logo.