On Wednesday, June 18th the revered editors of an esteemed local newspaper reported the following notice:

Sunday, June 22 is recognized on the church calendar as St. Alban's Day, in addition to the fact that it is the second Sunday in the season of Pentecost. Since Sunday is always the Lord's Day, it takes precedence and technically St. Alban's Day is transferred to Monday, June 23.

However, given the importance of this day to St. Alban's Episcopal Church, the life of Alban and his place in the church will be remembered on the 22nd.

After further investigative reporting, US Press has uncovered that church officials considered moving St. Alban's day to the 21st in a bid to eclipse summer solstice which is only celebrated by Druids and other hell-bound heathens.

Concerns that a move such as that would defame the good name of St. Alban, the protomartyr of Britain, caused officials to instead issue a warning that anyone caught outdoors or peering skyward on Saturday, June 21st will be assumed to be celebrating solstice and dealt with much in the same fashion as good St. Alban, whose day will be celebrated on Sunday as mentioned above.