"John Connor is our only hope," said Bush. "We must do everything in our power to find him and protect him from them evil cyborgs."
According to the White House, Connor is the legendary hero who will lead the resistance against the machines in the future. The problem is that US intelligence has not been able to identify which John Connor is the hero. There are currently over 5,000 John Connors living in the United States.
"I have watched Terminator I and II on several occasions and was initially convinced that cybernetic robots were no longer a threat," President Bush said. "After watching T3, the new Office of Homeland Security and the White House have agreed that the threat level should be raised to red."
Bush has ordered the CIA, FBI and NSA to detain anyone named John Connor in the United States. This round-up has caused great inconvenience all across the country.
John Connor of Gary, Indiana was working in his garage when Blackhawk
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If you see this anyone that looks like this, follow these simple steps: 1. Tackle him
2. Ask his name 3. Very, very cautiously, disarm him; You wouldn't want to be known as the jerk who accidentally killed John Connor, would you? |
"I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to my family," cried Connor. "To make matters worse, my wife is going to blame me for those helicopters landing on her herb garden."
Dentist John Connor of Rhode Island was in the middle of performing a root canal when three US Marines dragged him away. "I had to have my assistant finish the root canal," said Connors. "She's only 16 years old and her only experience is suctioning spit from patients' mouths." Unfortunately for Connor, FBI documents indicate that is not the only suctioning experience she has had.
The John Connors can expect to be fed chicken curry and samosas in the camps once occupied by Muslim captives.
