Yesterday at 8 PM sharp, Kyle Martin spontaneously decided to end a three-year relationship with girlfriend Katie Hill outside a Best Buy store in Louisville. The potentially happy trip turned ill fated when Katie decided to purchase a bargain basement Heart album for $4.97. Heart was a well-known band in the 1970's and 80's composed of sisters Ann and Nancy Wilson; the latter is married to sugary filmmaker Cameron Crowe.

"I love Katie to death, but Heart? C'mon! You gotta draw the line in taste somewhere," Martin was quoted as later telling a friend.

The end of their once blissful union devastated Hill. "I occasionally got angry

Despite the marketing hype, the album "Essential Heart" is far from essential.

at him for his drinking, his irresponsibility and his cocaine and womanizing habits, but I stuck by him," said Hill, an obvious nagger. "And now he can't tolerate my obsession with some good 80's music? I only like a couple of their songs such as 'Never' and 'If Looks Can Kill'. Those women can rock!"

Observers at Best Buy commented that the couple seemed happy in the store, but left in a dour state.

"As soon as they walked out of the store, he started yelling at her and he kept pointing to the CD she had in her hand. Then he just drove off and left her there. I had to call a cab for her. I never thought this kind of tragedy would hit our lovely store," said Best Buy employee Harold.

Best Buy of Louisville issued a statement immediately after the incident: "We here at Best Buy have to condone bad taste since we are a huge corporation and make a shit load of money. We do not discriminate despite distributing some poor music choices. We are an equal opportunity company, but since we have indirectly aided the breakup of a once happy couple, we have decided to discontinue selling Heart albums and to be more particular in certain albums we choose to carry." The statement not only is a shocking change to Best Buy's policy but is believed to be the first corporate press release ever to contain the phrase "we make a shit load of money."

Some of the albums Best Buy will no longer sell are obvious choices like: Michael Bolton, Yanni, Nat King Cole, All For One, Enrique Inglesis, Weird Al, Cher, Vanilla Ice, Destiny's Child and Journey. Best Buy CEO Bradbury Anderson commented, "I hope this incident will make us all more self-aware and help us to be better people when it comes to potentially buying crap."

Katie Hill has left the state to vacation with her Grandma in Cape Cod until she feels better. "Now more than ever I need my Heart album because they sing about love, loss and all that jazz. Listening to their soulful music makes me miss that superficial bastard [Martin]."

"If Kyle can't love her for who she is, then she's better off without that creep," said Hill's irate Grandma Lois. "But really, she could turn the Heart album off for 20 minutes a day, she's driving me crazy with that thing," Lois hushedly mentioned when Hill left the room to restart the CD.

Kyle said even if she stopped listening to Heart, he would not take her back. "She shouldn't have bought it in the first place. I don't care if it was on sale. It made a statement of what kind of person she is and I can't change her. It's too late. At least I listen to quality music like Beck, Beethoven, Norah Jones and The Beatles."

When asked what Kyle had bought that dreadful night at Best Buy, he failed to comment, but the cashier, Michelle, remembered. "I think he bought a couple of bargain DVD's. I do believe they were that Madonna movie Swept Away and Patch Adams. He was all excited about the extra features on Swept Away and his girlfriend seemed genuinely happy for him. Why can't we accept each other for who we are?"