The report was released jointly by two groups; The Carnegie Endowment for One-Legged Children (CEOLC) studies the effects of land mine and machete use in war-torn regions around the world as well as amusement

While land mine fatalities have risen steadily, Charles' fluctuating love life is documented in this hastily prepared PowerPointŪ slide.

park safety practices at home in the United States. It's partner in releasing the new report is the Center for Research of Celebrity Sex (CRCSx), whose 1992 study detailing exactly who in the high powered world of movie executives was "down with O.P.P." shook the entertainment world to its dirty, backstabbing core.

Harold Miner, Director of the CEOLC, notes that both trends were completely expected. "We fully expected land mine use to skyrocket when we heard of Diana's death. She was a one-woman army against land mine use. Her rigorous schedule of 6 to 14 speeches per year denouncing the use of land mines was the only thing keeping their spread at bay. When she died, we knew immediately that we'd have many, many more one-legged children to study."

The other part to this strange equation is Royal gay sex, reports of which have risen dramatically in recent weeks but that the CRCSx says have been rising steadily ever since Diana's tragic demise.

"Oh yeah, Prince Charles has been planting his own land mines in the Palace all along," says Stan Beheinem, Chief Rumormonger of the CRCSx. "Their explosions are as dangerous to the sanctity of the Royal family as an M14 anti-personel mine is to the appendages of little Pedro in Honduras." But while Diana was alive, she was staunchly opposed to the male/male frolicking of the Prince.

"She went as far as to divorce him, giving up her royal status. That should show that she didn't condone this behavior which was threatening the chance that either of them would become Queen," says Beheinem. "She wasn't public about it, but while he was alive she was definitely cramping his style, if you know what I mean. Her death was bound to allow the amount of Royal gay to increase many fold."

Conspiracy theorists have quickly embraced the report claiming openly that Diana was the victim of foul play at the hands of the powerful gay military complex.