One day after being ironically trampled by a crowd of Christmas shoppers, the Son of God was beset by another tragic event today outside a New York City law firm. Sources say Jesus, feeling dejected from the abuse of the day before and seeking comfort and solace amongst 'his own people,'
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| Jesus, trying to blend in with his people. |
While walking along the street, the 'Son of David' began to address a crowd of Jewish shoppers. The shoppers were in line to buy gift certificates from the law firm Weinstein, Goldberg & Kitch to use as Hanukkah gifts.
The infamous Jewish carpenter said something about coming to fulfill the Law of Moses, not abolish it. At that point, not recognizing the Messiah, the crowd pushed him to the ground and trod over him on their way into the building.
Abe Firestein, 55, was in the crowd. "I'm sorry about the walking all over Jesus, but he looked like no messiah to me. I mean, was I to know?"
Rabbi Black of a local synagogue issued the statement, "We are deeply saddened by the events of today and hope that no permanent injury was sustained by Jesus. We still do, however, hold to our view that he is a false prophet and is not the long awaited Messiah foretold by our prophets. By this, however, we mean no disrespect. And though we still don't feel responsible for it, we are sorry about the whole crucifixion ordeal. We had hoped that after 2,000 years people would stop blaming us for that one. Go figure."
Christians around the country are appalled and outraged by Jews crushing Jesus today. Already the Christian Right is calling the incident a "repeat of history" and "typical Jewish behavior toward the Savior."
However, when asked why they weren't outraged yesterday when Jesus was trampled by Christians the response was, "The difference is what happened today was a hate crime. The Jews trampled Jesus because they don't think he was the Messiah. The Christians stomping on Jesus yesterday was motivated by capitalist consumerism. There's nothing wrong with that."
