In a revelation of near biblical proportions Jesus has admitted that last Saturday he was trampled by Michael Jackson supporters at a much publicized gathering at the performer's Neverland Ranch. The incident happened before two other incidents this week when Jesus was trampled first by Christmas shoppers then a day later by Hanukkah shoppers.

"I wasn't going to mention the Michael Jackson thing," said a visibly weary Jesus, "because frankly, I didn't think it would be good press for me to be linked to Jacko. Also I didn't want to heighten tensions between Muslims and Christians now that Jackson is a member of the Nation of Islam," Jesus said rolling his eyes. "But after the week I've had I think for posterity it should be on record that these tramplings actually started last week."

The gathering at Neverland Ranch included supporters from the entertainment world such as Tommy Davidson and Eddie Griffin and even athletic supporters Serena Williams and Darryl Strawberry. Strawberry, who now acts a pastor in a church no one has heard of, is said to have offered religious support to Jackson. Jesus claims Strawberry didn't recognize him and shoved him out of the way when Jackson entered the room. The rest of the crowd also moved in the direction of the fragile singer and the week's first Jesus trampling was underway.

"No one ever recognizes me," laments the venting martyr. "If I dress in sandals and robes people think I'm just a crazy guy imitating Jesus. If I dress in the style of the day, people say, 'Yeah right, Jesus, sure. Shouldn't you be wearing sandals and robes?' It's a very frustrating catch-22 thing. I can't whip up a miracle every time someone needs proof of ID, you know? It just doesn't work that way."

After he was shoved to the floor by Strawberry the rest of the crowd began to move towards Jackson and the trampling began.

Later in the week, it was announced that Jackson's publicist had mistakenly included Ryan Seacrest in the list of guests at the gathering. Jesus says it's possible that it was him the publicist had seen.

"I don't know, I guess it could be. I had my hair cut short and spiky and am thin, who knows. I don't know what's more embarrassing, not being recognized at all or being mistaken for Ryan Seacrest."

Jesus has decided to leave Earth before he is subjected to any more tramplings.

"I was hoping to mingle with the people in Times Square on New Year's Eve, but there is no way in Hell I'm risking that."