In the wake of last month's bombings in Afghanistan in which fifteen kids were disintegrated in the hunt for a one-legged alleged Al-Qaeda member on permission leave from thumbscrew camp to celebrate his nephew's seventh birthday, the Pentagon today issued a written statement addressing the matter.

Hi

This is the Pentagon. In response to the events of last months's splatter fest in Afghanistan we would just like say that although it may upset many we find a 15 to 1 kids killed per aged and handicapped terrorist an acceptable figure.

Sure we had promised to cram the numbers into the high twenties but them Afghani kids are fast learners and have developed some very ingenious methods of surviving our scatter bombs. Surely just another stage in their advanced terrorist training, the sneaky little shits.

Thank you, Happy New Year and don't forget, we still have a sale on gas masks and anthrax antidote.

Sincerely yours,

Pentagon.

A spokesman for the Bush regime later added the president's view of the situation.

"It's all a matter of preemptive thinking. We all know these children are raised on nothing but the hatred of their mothers and the canes of their fathers. Much like in West Virginia. Naturally, they're all gonna grow up to become annoying, building bombing brats. So we rather nuke 'em. Now."

Many human rights organizations were quick to criticize the strategy calling it the worst breach of children's rights since the production of the "Power Rangers" series.

Marjorie Turnip of the International Red Cross went even further and threatened to sue the US government if it failed to recognize the right of all children world wide to at least get laid once before some overzealous power ego decides to insert a tomahawk missile in their root canal.

As soon as the entire US judicial system drops its involvement in the Michael Jackson case it promised to look in to the matter. Although the chance of that happening within six months was set to a stunning gazillion to one odds.

Other numbers in (or off) the news lately
1,000,000,000:1	The likelihood of saving Eddie Murphy's career.
1,000,000,000:3,900	Civilian Muslim kill ratio approved by Bush as justifiable payback for 9/11.
900,000,000:1	Possibility of me being naked with Playboy Playmate right now. Or ever.
800,000,000:1	Clippers home game losses per win.
700,000,000:0.001	Dennis Kucinich's chance of getting within 300 miles of the White House. Legally.
2:1	Chance of me being naked anyway.