"It not surprising that this happened. She’d been carrying a lot of junk in her trunk and combine that with the stress of her recent break-up with what's his name and the situation was inevitable. Now instead of focusing on her ass, maybe she’ll concentrate on improving her lackluster film and music career," stated a woman on the street.
Ex-fiancé Ben Affleck was on location shooting another unentertaining blockbuster when he received the news. He quickly boarded his private jet and flew to an undisclosed New York hospital to meet his on again, off again, on again, okay off again whore.
"It was touching how he rubbed what was left of her behind with fresh $100 bills," said James Hamilton,
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| "Don't worry baby, your boobies are still hot" |
J. Lo is expected to make a full recovery, but her career is once again in jeopardy. "First there was the debacle with Gigli, then the wedding that never happened, then Ben bought a gun, then Matt Damon ended another relationship continuing speculation about his sexual orientation…it’s been a tough year for them," stated J.Lo’s agent Alton Witherspoon.
Scientists are dumbfounded how a body part could simply combust and are intensely looking for an answer. "Personally, I think her ego caused this. She’s lucky she didn’t lose that pretty, vacuous head of hers. Next time she may not make out okay", stated Carl Sagan.
Plastic surgeons are already planning to recontruct her ass with polyurethane material and butter. Until the surgery is completed she will only be able to be photographed from the waist up and with Dutch angles.
"She’ll be back in no time. She’s going to put all this behind her and assume her daily routine...No puns intended," joked resident plastic surgeon Dr. Stein.
