Education Secretary Rod Paige today called the National Education Association a "terrorist group" but later apologized for the remark saying that it was insensitive to well-meaning terrorists everywhere.

"To equate American teachers to terrorists was an unfortunate choice of words on my part," said Paige in a written statement. "Terrorists the world over are known for their ability to inspire children to do incredible things and to put them in the same category as our lazy, selfish, do nothing teachers and their union was wrong. I am sorry."

The Paige statement went on to list some of the accomplishments that terrorist groups have been able to coax from their children.

"The commitment they get out of their students is increasingly impressive. Terrorist

"It boggles the mind, even one as tiny as mine."

groups are consistently emboldening their youth with results driven training and stern classroom discipline. By giving kids seemingly unobtainable goals such as simultaneous suicide bus attacks, they are challenging them to learn the basics of chemistry, the logistics of traffic planning and the value of teamwork. If any of these kids lived, their groups would be major world powers."

The statement goes on to suggest bold new methods of teaching that may be applied to the terrible American students who are causing their own schools to fail under the No Child Left Behind Act.

"Some terrorist groups take great pride in removing young girls from their family home and, in the spirit of competition, encouraging them to have as much sex for as much money as possible. The amazing return in productivity that Amnesty International claims the terrorist groups are getting from these young people boggles the mind. If they can inspire their students to do these amazing things, then we should be able to teach a little math and science. Of course, I'm not suggesting that we turn our children into sex slaves, but if we took them from the home, chained them in the basements of their ever decaying schools and gave them a scoop of rice for every multiplication table they memorized, our schools' test scores would almost assuredly go up."

Phone calls to Paige's office were forwarded to White House staff who said Paige was unavailable as he "had done enough for the Bush re-election campaign for one day."