"I'm so sick and tired of being run off the road and almost killed. I need protection," summarized Tiddnam. "But I really am not interested in carrying around extra weight. I need something deadly but light."
It's the age-old quest for the advanced cyclist, shaving off ounces of equipment weight. This quest has single-handedly supported the cycling industry for years. Serious cyclists and posers alike will pay premium prices for lighter equipment. Having lighter equipment allows an athlete to ride slightly faster and farther than they could when they had money stagnating in the bank. For example, recent advancements in carbon fiber technology have made it possible to get the weight of a $4,000 bicycle frame down to a mere two pounds.
"He doesn't even take water with him when he goes riding," complains Tiddnam's wife of 25 years, Sally. "He says it weighs too much but he often rides well over 50 miles and I don't think it's safe not to have water."
Sally also has issues with the firearm purchase.
"I'm not sure what he thinks he's going to do with a gun. I know he freely gives the finger to passing drivers who don't 'Share the Road,'" says Sally. "but how he's going to get the gun out of the back of his shirt and get a good shot at a car that has already run him off the road, I'm not really sure."
"What she doesn't know," says Tiddnam, "is just how many of those stupid rednecks come back
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| On this target range cyclists can practice shooting armed skiers, pesky dogs and annoying park rangers. |
Tiddnam went on to name all the parts of his bike that he could upgrade to lighter parts.
"I think if I buy a new fork, saw off the excess seat post length, and remove four spokes per wheel, I might make up the 6.6 ounces."
Sally can think of a better way.
"He's 15 pounds overweight," she mentions after looking around to see if Tiddnam is within earshot. "I don't understand why he has to spend our retirement money on lighter parts when he could just lose a pound or two."
