After weeks of stalling, stonewalling and otherwise obstructing democracy, the Bush White House has succumbed to mounting pressure, announcing that National Security Director Condoleezza Rice will publicly testify before the 9/11 Commission. Previously citing Executive Privilege, Rice had refused to testify, claiming, "Daddy Cheney won't let me." But weeks of devastating revelations and a photo of Roosevelt's Chief of Staff testifying in 1946 have goaded the Bush Cabal into submission, forcing Thursday's appearance.

But Team Bush refuses to cave in. Eager for a distraction--any distraction--from the Shiite uprising in Iraq, the hemorrhage of jobs despite last week's upbeat report, and continued erosion of the administration's credibility, sources near the administration report that Rice's testimony will be more than animated.

"There will be more revelations," says mid-level functionary Abe Danson.

"Let's Party"

"Ms. Rice is prepared to do anything, anything, to resolve the issues dogging this investigation." Danson has revealed that Rice will answer all questions, and that she won't stop there.

"Ms Rice is appearing to set the record straight. She will be compelling and convincing. The National Security Director is even prepared to reveal a breast, maybe two, should the commission so desire. She is that willing to set the record straight," claims Danson. "This will not be a wardrobe malfunction, either. We will bring along our disco mirror-ball, and Ms. Rice will sport a classy Cheetah-print thong."

Commission members will not get a free show, however. The White House has imposed some conditions on Thursday's meeting. In exchange for Rice's "testimony", Congress must recognize that this is a highly unusual occasion, and not use this event to set any future precedent. Moreover, Rice will only "reveal" for denominations larger than a $20.

A "V.I.P" room will also be available for further "private" testimony, mostly for Bush Pioneers and Rangers. The White House has said the room will be in an undisclosed, secure location.