A recent USA Today poll shows that 86% percent of high school dropouts between the ages of 32-38 believe they could have graduated had the Internet been available to more than 12 people in the 1980's.

"Dude, if the Internet was around when I was growing up, I actually may have graduated," was the statement from Brad "Packman" Callahan, former lead singer of the CA high school rock band 'Angel Dust.'

"I spent so much time hitting the damn rewind button on my cassette deck trying to figure out what the hell rock singers were saying, that I had no time for school. Was it 'big old jet had a light on?' or "dirty deeds, thunder chief', or 'wrapped up like a douche on the runner on the night'? I just didn't know," stated the thinning haired beady-eyed Callahan.

"Nowadays, you just type in the song you're looking for followed by the word

The black bar was added in accordance with International law stating that people with this hair cut must have their identies concealed.

'lyrics' in Google and boom, there it is. No guessing, no waiting, no rewind, play, rewind, play, rewind, turn it up, play, rewind, turn it up louder, make a funny face and tilt your head toward the boom box and squint your eyes, then turn it up even louder, play with the super bass adjust, rewind again, pound your fist, call the radio station and ask if they know, try one more time and then smoke a bowl and pass out before trying it again in the morning. It's just so easy now," said the pasty-faced musician through thick rose-colored glasses.

"Hell, I made up so many lyrics I couldn't understand, and just hoped that when I sang them no one else knew what they were either," said Brad at his 20th high school reunion. "Turns out, I was right. Most of these idiots have still never taken the time to go back and really learn the lyrics of the songs of their youth. It's really a shame that they're missing out on the information that's readily available and out there just waiting to be researched right now. Don't they even care? It just blows my mind that they wouldn't take advantage of this great technology."

Recent studies show that although computers and the Internet are a "profound waste of energy and time with the youth of America" they have helped understand the once ineligible lyrics of 80's cheese rock bands, therefore liberating the souls of countless dropouts from the Big Money Decade.

"Just think of all the young men who could have graduated from my high school and made something of themselves," said Principal Harold Spankmichster of Swollen Bottom High in suburban LA. "If they hadn't been wasting their time figuring out the lyrics of Twisted Sister, AC/DC or The Scorpions. Hell, that guy from the Scorpions could barely speak English, yet half my student population was emulating him. And now look, none of my students speak English. Some people think it's because of immigration policy but I blame the Ozzy Osbourne."

"I guess I could have at least upped my average to a C- and passed this lousy school," said Callahan. "But I guess that's life. You live and you learn. At least now while I'm at work, I'm learning something about history and am making up for lost time." Callahan was presumably speaking of his time spent surfing the Internet instead of actually working.

Calhoun's 80's Tribute band is scheduled to play at his current employers Spring Fling event later this month. That is with what he says are "finally, all the right words."