Former President Bush announced this week that he will go ahead with his planned parachute jump on Saturday to mark his 80th birthday. While parachuting is not new to Papa Bush (he parachuted to celebrate his 75th birthday as well as to escape a crippled plane in WWII), some thought he might postpone his plans to plummet from the sky to show respect for his former boss, Ronald Reagan who passed away last weekend.

On the contrary, Reagan's death and the weeklong celebration of his life seems to have strengthened Bush's resolve to risk his life. Political analysts suggest that decades of living in Reagan's shadow may force Bush to "raise the stakes" in Saturday's parachute party.

"If he really wants to get attention he's going to have to do something spectacular," says a local Houston news person who's name is not important because her face will keep her in Houston forever. "Since we have the exclusive rights to the video shoot, I'd suggest something more than the typical smoke trail or star formation. I think he's going to have to fake a failed chute opening or something dramatic. Maybe he should just go naked."

"I'm sure they'd love that," says Big Bush, "however, I'm not looking for any attention with this. This is something we've had planned for a long time and I didn't think I should postpone it due to President Reagan's death. There will be no theatrics, it will be a routine jump. Well, that is, if an 80-year-old man jumping solo out of a plane like a young buck is routine.

Bush says his next stunt may be to hangglide from Mount Rushmore to "Once again prove that my greatness matches up to America's past heroes"

I don't have anything to prove, I'm just happy to be 80 and still have the physical and mental strength of a true leader. If we've learned anything this week with Reagan passing it is how sad and terrible it is to be feeble and worthless in your later years.

"Another thing we've seemed to learn this week is that I had absolutely nothing to do with the Berlin wall coming down. That's slightly annoying to me. Sure, he said 'Tear down this wall' or whatever it was, but did it come down? No, not until ol' Georgie Boy took office. I got that deal done and all I hear on the news this week is how much 'The Great Forgetter' did to end Communism.

"And another thing while we're talking off [read: on] the record, they really are minimizing Iran/Contra this week aren't they? Just because it broke on my watch doesn't mean it all happened on my watch. I mean come on, let's be fair. He can't have everything to do with the fall of Communism and nothing to do with Iran/Contra, that's total revisionism and I won't stand for it. In fact, as silent protest, I'm going to take my jump another 500 feet up, maybe a thousand more feet. Maybe my chute won't open, then what? Are we going to have another week of mourning for me? Why do I doubt it? I wouldn't give you media types the satisfaction of a free week of programming. I may just parachute over the Mexican border and disappear forever. Think it's impossible? Think security is too tight? Pfft, I was head of the CIA don't forget. I know how to get over and back and I know some of the best plastic surgeons in Central America. I'd be gone without a trace. That would serve you carrion right."