This week, anyone with a television set has learned that Ronald Reagan worked very hard during his Presidency to fill the American people with hope for the future. Short-sighted critics have always contended that food may have been better, but it's hard to argue with the warming, whiskey-like feel of a belly full of hope.

So adept was Reagan at showing the possibilities of our future that he has done it again without even trying. In his death.

In the face of incredibly long lines and sweltering heat citizens continue to show up in Washington, D.C. to pay their respects to the former President. So many people have been arriving to wait in line that local think-tank economists decided to calculate the time that mourners have invested for the opportunity to file past Reagan's coffin and are reporting that America's future looks very bright.

"The number of hours wasted this week is staggering," says Dr. Paul Black, of the emotionless Center for Economic Oppression. "The simple tragedy that none of these people had anything better to do has forced us to note what could have been accomplished this week if our nation had any focus at all."

Black notes that with all the wasted man-hours this week that Reagan's beloved "Star Wars" system could have been perfected and tested. The center also estimates that the following things would have been possible this week:

• the invention of more efficient solar panels
• the construction of fifty thousand wind harvesting machines
• the curing of cancer
• the writing and filming of an interesting Ben Affleck movie

While all these scenarios are hypothetical President Bush did take notice of the report and commented on it to reporters today. Below is an excerpt of the speech:

"I like the work that this center has done. It shows great initiative of them to study and judge the laziness of others. Recently, I had the Department of Homeland Security conduct a similar study to add up the hours our public spent watching American Idol this season and the results were shocking.

"Now, some might say that the Department of Labor would have been the correct..ummm..piece,..uh..buiding of the government. That is to say, the Department of Labor should have been the ones to do the study. But our findings show that it was important that Homeland Security did it.

"We found that Americans spent enough time watching...taping, Tivoing, what have you...American Idol this season to have successfully attacked North Korea, Iran, Spain, and Syria. Excuse me, not Spain...we never discussed...I think I'm right on this...we never seriously discussed occupying Spain, although it is beautiful this time of year.

"But the point is that this country could be doing great things if we would stop wasting so much time watching television, reading books, going to funerals of people who didn't care about us or partaking in other frivolities such as mountain biking.

But it's hard...it's hard to force people to break their time wasting habits. Which is why we have decided to re-instate the military draft and begin issuing draft notices to anyone who wasted at least six hours at this week's funeral. That is, if you stood on line to see a box full of Reagan for more than six hours you should be learning to shoot or soften prisoners or something because you're not helping your country, that's for sure."

Immediate following the President's announcement of a new draft, pandemonium broke out in Washington as the long lines of mourners suddenly remembered that they were all "late for an important meeting."