A group calling themselves the Florida Aquatic Related Property Owners for Truth (FARPOT) have filed suit in a Florida court to stop environmental groups from trying to protect the state's endangered manatee population.

The group is headed by Ken Rose, a retired road crew foreman who moved from Ohio to Florida eight months ago. He claims that environmental groups are doing a great disservice to the "boat motor parts buying community" who he says keeps the Florida economy afloat.

"Now look," starts the leather-faced Rose, "Those manatee are vicious. They can do immense damage to propellers and motors alike. They are silent boat killers is what they are. Very dangerous."

Rose knows his views may not be popular but he says people would feel differently if they had been victimized by these creatures as he has.

"I haven't been down here but half a year and the sad fact is that I've been through two propellers already thanks to those meddling environmentalists and their manatee proliferation projects," says Rose as he takes a break from mowing his lawn. "And my boat is in dry dock right now until I can afford another.

It is a little known fact that the manatee's eyes glow bright red immediately before it attacks a propeller.

I wouldn't have started this group if I hadn't heard many similar stories from the folks down here. Much of the local population views these environmentalists as terrorists."

"That's an absurd take on reality," counters Mike Starkley, a self-proclaimed enviro-terrorist. "Sure, I've set construction projects on fire, lived in trees and broken the windows of countless Starbucks, but saving manatees is nothing like that. Saving manatees is about preserving a species that doesn't have the natural abilities to survive on it's own. It's about stopping the unjust Darwinian system that says just because a creature has no mechanism to keep warm, doesn't have enough food in its natural habitat, can barely move, and has no natural defense mechanisms that it has to die out. We just don't believe it and won't accept it."

Rainbow Peters, Starkley's "current old lady" and staunch vegetarian, says she can't understand why FARPOT would want to hurt manatees which scientists say are generally very docile and friendly toward people.

"They're called 'Sea Cows' for a reason, man," says a glassy-eyed Peters, "They're peaceful, they don't hurt anyone. They just float there and let you pet them and feed them lettuce heads and stuff."

"Tons of heads of lettuce from Mexico, that's what they feed them," notes Rose. "They are outsourcing our farming jobs and causing hundreds of thousands of dollars of boat damage a year, yet they have no problem encouraging these fierce beasts to mate and procreate. They ought to stop giving out condoms at high schools and give them to manatees instead."

Although the legal action is likely to fail, it may not be the last time the world hears from Ken Rose. His future plans included suing the National Weather Service for not predicting the particularly damaging 2004 hurricane before he bought a house with "sub-par shingling."