A little known group of corporate leaders, formed near the end of the Clinton administration to handle the inexperienced George Bush, has over the last six years become a major force in Washington. This private think tank, Corporate Reconsideration of American Policy, in a closed-door session yesterday heard a report from its subcommittee on executive leadership (EL). According to a White House source, President Bush spent more than six hours talking with his father after the report's findings and recommendations were read to him.
Due to President Bush’s "flagrant disregard for the financial impact his policies are having on the nation and on the world," the EL report recommends that "activities of the Office of the President should be outsourced immediately." Particularly telling was an included survey of corporate leaders about President Bush. A total of 92.7 percent reported they would not hire President Bush for any position within their companies. If forced to have him as a corporate employee, 96.4 percent said that position would be outsourced as soon as possible.
The report provided specifics about how the outsourcing of the American Presidency should occur. India was considered the best alternative to the expensive and ineffective Office of the President. The report supported its India recommendation with several points:
1) Even though English pronunciation by citizens of India is at times difficult for Americans to understand, research shows that millions of available Indians speak and understand English better than does President Bush.
2) The Office of the President’s annual expenses could be cut from $300 million to less than $544,000, achieving economies but also expanding the use of logic in making decisions.
3) Relocating Presidential decisions to India would at least delay bad decisions, which have become the norm for the Bush-Chaney administration, according to the report.
4) Outsourcing the Presidency would reduce tensions that have developed between the United States and both China and Russia. Once the Russians and Chinese learn that only Indians will be lecturing them about their human rights policies, there will be less incentive for Russian-Chinese military cooperation in plotting a surprise military attack against the United States.
5) The American public will be less inclined to object once it sees that even our government is being improved by outsourcing.
6) War will be less likely since Indians will be less inclined to take over other countries. Because of India’s anti-Pakistan feelings, the outsourcing agreement will prohibit India from taking over Pakistan. Americans should still be pleased that President Bush’s desire to invade Iran, Syria and other disliked countries will not be influenced by the Pakistan limitation.
7) Indian frugality will nudge America in the direction of lower deficits, which will please everyone except President Bush, who reportedly now likes deficits for their own sake, not just to fight wars and meet emergencies.
8) Indians will be less likely to give in to unreasonable demands for money to rebuild New Orleans. Since India is accustomed to disasters that are never dealt with, it will be less likely to waste American tax dollars on ridiculous programs to help poor people whether they are made poor by natural disasters or by their own genes, which President Bush according to the report knows is almost always the case.
9) Indian management is more likely to pick intelligent, educated people to run the American Presidency because they know more intelligent, educated people than does President Bush.
One additional recommendation should be popular with millions of Americans. Outsourcing the entire Defense Department is feasible and would save American taxpayers more than $500 billion per year. More importantly, however, America could take over Iran or Syria or Venezuela without losing one American life. The report, which is preliminary regarding who could do our fighting for us, names India but also China, Russia, Al-Qaeda because of the big bang it gets with modest funding, and Sony Robotics as candidates for our Defense Department’s new army.
Since the White House source who leaked the report also explained that using Al-Qaeda to replace Americans in the U.S. Army was the personal idea of President Bush, Senator Joseph Lieberman, the only Democrat to speak out so far, credited President Bush for "once again thinking outside the envelope and pushing the box. His creativity in defense matters is most admirable even though he is not as hawkish in fighting terrorism as I would be."
