A recent USA Today poll shows that 86% percent of high school dropouts between the ages of 32-38 believe they could have graduated had the Internet been available to more than 12 people in the 1980's. Full Story >> |
White House to Run Negative Campaign Ads against Itself A recent study shows that the amount of negative press given to President Bush is actually creating sympathetic support for the Texan. “People are becoming angry at the media and not the President,” quoted a high level CNN executive. Full Story >> |
Acknowledged Neighborhood Oaf Found Literally "Asleep at the Switch" After days of incessant finger pointing that reaches as far as Canada, officials at Indian Point Nuclear Energy
Facility near New York City have admitted that which many assumed in the first place, that a blackout which crippled as much as one-quarter of the North American Continent was caused by a bumbling oaf working for ConEd, the regional power corporation that runs New York's section of the national power grids. Full Story >> |
Fromunda™ from down unda Wisconsin is a state that knows a lot about cheese. Coincidentally, Wisconsin has a lot of fat women. So it should be no shock that the first new cheese on grocers' shelves in nearly a decade will be from a
Munster making Misses from the Midwest. Full Story >> |
"Armed and Deranged" Authorities are on the lookout for a man they say may be "armed and deranged." Police were tipped off to the depravity of the suspect... Full Story >> |
Brown Death A recent study, conducted by the University of California at Berkeley School of Behavioral Science, compared chocolate intake and it's potentially deadly effects on men and women.
Full Story >> |
War to be put on pause so as to not damage the environment In a recent stop at an Iraqi emissions station, over 90% of coalition vehicles failed, and were labeled as "polluters." The offending vehicles were ordered off the road, in accordance with the Clean Air War Act, passed by the UN in 1997. Cleaner burning Japanese "Hybrid" versions of the war vehicles are rumored to be on the way. Full Story >> |
Happy Meal toys providing much needed "Hype" for newest reality entertainment McDonald's announced today that beginning next week, it will be introducing a new line of toys in its ever so popular "Happy Meals" to show support for the "War On Terrorism". Full Story >> |
Another white powder causes disruption of The American Way of Life™ In a joint statement today Pentagon officials along with Weather Channel meteorologists have officially blamed the latest winter storm on Al Qaeda. Much of the Northeast was pounded by a storm that dropped anywhere from one to three feet of snow this week causing the closure of schools, roads and airports as well as an almost complete overshadowing of President's Day. Full Story >> |
There must be a problem with the vehicles There must be a problem with the vehicles
In an unprecedented manufacturing oops, all 3 major American automakers, Ford, GM and the other one, have been forced to recall more than 10.8 million vehicles. It's rumored the Japanese are soon to follow suit. Full Story >> |
Honesty Policy being challenged as best The holidays are upon us, which often means you will be spending lots of time with the extended family. This can result in some "Family Friction" as we at the US Press like to call it. So in
order to insure that you get the most out of your holiday season, we have outlined the three most common problems we've experienced in our personal lives, and how we've successfully
dealt with them. Full Story >> |
Taliban said to have "mixed feelings" Having been criticized for bowing to the west in recent times, the Qatar based Al-Jazeera television network has created a record label named al Qaeda Records (aQR) which offered up its first CD this week. The release is a benefit compilation disc entitled "Friends of the Hijackers"... Full Story >> |
Cruise Ship Can't Float the Load Disney's second consecutive cruise has been ordered to return to port, as people fall ill seeminlgy faster than the Bush Administration's popularity rating. Matt Quimet, Disney Cruise Line president stated, "Yeah, there seems to be some sort of funk growing in the boats. We're not quite sure if it's food born, or something from the scattered feces of Mickey and his relatives. Whatever it is, we'll have it out in no time." Full Story >> |
Controlling the biggest gas producers entails removing entrails The Bush Administration moved Friday to loosen its enforcement of the Clean Air Act on heavy industry. A task force headed by Vice President Cheney called for a review of the way industry is required to comply with air pollution laws. Full Story >> |
